Help or Hindrance?

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I've been reading a lot of books lately. I usually have 3 or 4 going at once, just to keep things interesting and to always have a book ready for any mood. Currently, I'm reading one about adoption, some Shakespeare, and Breaking Free by Beth Moore. (I recently finished Ender's Game, and I'm still not sure what I think about it.)

Even though Beth Moore is a name I've heard about for years, it's only lately that I've started reading her books. I'm sort of kicking myself for it now, because I sure could have saved myself a lot of trouble if I'd gotten ahold of them sooner! Breaking Free has been especially helpful in addressing so many areas of my life, and I'm loving every chapter so much. In fact, I've found myself using the "highlight" option on my Kindle on entire pages at times! If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend it.

There are so many passages from the book I wish I could share with you here, but I'm sure there are copyright laws against that. Let me just say that its wisdom will help you no matter what you're going through or have been through. It's funny how good I thought I was doing until this book started convicting me! One of my favorite highlights from the book says this,

God wants us to be victors. We don't become victors by conquering the enemy. We become victors through surrender to Christ. We don't become victors by our independence from the enemy. We become victors by our dependence on God.

I don't know why that seems so revolutionary to me; maybe it's because I usually think I have to fight the whole battle myself, with God showing up as a reservist when I'm too tired to finish the fight. It's so good to be reminded that what the enemy does isn't something I have to worry about. It's God's job to defeat the enemy. It's my job to let Him. I wonder how many times I've gotten in His way during my futile attempts at "helping". I imagine it must look a lot like my little ones when they try to "help" me carry a heavy box or a trash bag that's bigger than they are. They end up being more of a hindrance than a help. If only they would let me do the heavy lifting and stick with the jobs I've asked them to do instead! (For the hundredth time, clean your room, dangit!)

What Beth Moore book should I read next?

Nothing Good

I don't know how people get through the devastations of life without God. I don't know what they cling to, what keeps them going. Even with faith, it is hard to keep moving forward instead of sinking into the perpetual sadness and overwhelming depression. I imagine the suicide rate is high for those who have lost a baby or deal with infertility, because sometimes it feels like there is nothing left to live for.

Psalm 16 reminds us that we have much left to live for. We might have lost someone incredibly precious to us (or the dream of having someone precious to us), but we still have the one good thing that really matters. I regularly have to remind myself that having my babies here with me could not possibly be better than having God's will carried out in my life. It is during these moments that I have to cling to Him and trust in what I cannot see.

Retail Therapy {Stitch Fix}

***Warning! The following post includes a shameless plug to hopefully help me look more fashionable during the fall and winter seasons. I will do my best to make posts such as these rare!***

Retail therapy. Admit it, you're guilty of it too! I've recently discovered that when I'm particularly stressed or upset, my American tendency to stifle my emotions with more stuff certainly comes on strong. I once bought new shoes because the kids were misbehaving and Darling was in another state. Another time, I bought a FitBit because I felt like I was starting to look old and fat...and Darling was on duty. Darling bought a car because our baby was in the hospital and he was playing the role of Stay At Home Dad while I was away at the hospital. (Clearly we can't afford to be apart too often!)

My most recent "therapeutic expense" took place while Darling was on duty (*ahem*) and I was in an emotional slump brought on by the anniversary of when our baby had briefly come home. I was feeling the itch to shop, but all of my typical shopping websites (online shopping is my preferred method of retail therapy -- that way I can stay in my jammies if I feel like it) weren't giving up the goods I was looking for. Somehow, in typical internet fashion, I ended up nowhere near shopping sites and instead was reading my dear friend's blog. This friend always has something encouraging and inspiring to say, so her words were soothing my soul...and then I clicked my way through to a veeeery interesting post that I wasn't expecting. It was a post that introduced me to a new way to shop! (*squeal!*)

Stitch Fix is a way for us non-Hollywood types to get the benefits of having our clothes and accessories picked out for us by a fashion-savvy stylist. You start out by filling out a questionnaire about yourself and your tastes, put in your payment information for a $20 styling fee, and schedule when you want your "fix" (a delightful package of 5 hand-picked items from your stylist) to arrive. You also have the option to set up recurring fixes if you choose, but there's no subscription required  or anything to cancel if you don't. Once your fix arrives, you have 3 days to try on the items and decide what you to keep and what to send back. The $20 styling fee gets deducted from your purchase total, but you lose it if you don't keep anything. If you keep all 5 items, you get a lovely 25% discount on the total price. If there's anything you don't want, you just put it into the included return packaging and plop it into the mail within those 3 days.

Of course, all that sounded absolutely fantastic to my sad, shopping-hungry self, so I nervously signed up for my first fix. I'd heard a lot of good things about it, so I was pretty confident I wouldn't lose my $20 styling fee. I was more afraid of liking too many things and spending far too much. And that's exactly what I did. My fix included two dresses (one a lacy/floral one and the other a casual stretchy one that I have no idea how to describe), a maxi skirt, a handbag, and a white flowy sleeveless top. The prices for the items ranged from $38 to $74, and of course my top 3 favorites were the most expensive items in the box. It actually worked out where it was less expensive to get all 5 things than just my 4 favorites (thanks to that 25% discount), and choosing only my top 3 favorites would have only been slightly less than that. So thank you, math, for justifying my summer wardrobe additions!

I'm really happy with my purchase, even though it's not something I can afford to do every month or two. Since my stylist did such a great job, I did set up my next fix later on this year to hopefully bring my fall/winter wardrobe up to date a bit. If you use my Stitch Fix referral link and sign up for your first retail therapy fix, I will get a $25 credit to use toward future purchases. Once you've signed up, you'll get your own referral link to share with your friends!

When We Compare

If you're anything like me, you most likely make a difficult situation even worse by donning a poor attitude to go with it. Mine tends to fluctuate between anger and an intense, mopey kind of sadness. I allow my emotions to cripple me and prevent me from even looking for the hope and joy that can always be found in any situation. I often do this through comparing myself and/or my circumstances to others.

If you look for it, you will certainly find at least one news story every day about a child who has been abused, abandoned, or brutally murdered -- often by their own parents. Then, if you dig a little deeper, you can find mind-blowing and heart-sickening statistics about how many unborn babies are killed each year through abortion. You can even look around you in your own circle of acquaintances, and I can guarantee you'd find at least one person who doesn't appreciate or deserve the child/children they have.

But all these people who don't want or don't deserve children still manage to have them, while we who so desperately wanted our babies did not get to keep them. It isn't fair. It hurts. And that sort of thinking only wedges the gap between ourselves now and ourselves as we could be. There will always be people who are more or less deserving than we are, and comparison will get us nowhere we want to go. When I start comparing, it only makes me feel worse and sort of plants me into my grief instead of letting God lead me through my grief and toward something better. He's the One in charge, not me. He's the One who knows how the story ends, and I have no right to tell Him what is or isn't fair.

"Comparison is the thief of joy." It's a common saying, often plastered all over Pinterest boards or cutesy wall-hangings available on Etsy, but it is one I don't heed enough. I can't change my circumstances. I can't bring my babies back. But I can honor their short lives by truly living my own, with joy and hope. Let others walk their own paths, as I do my best to try to be graceful and avoid stumbling along my own. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding...

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