Welcome, September!

I had an adoption update all written up and ready to rest a few days before proof-reading, but then I never went back to edit and post it! So now that one is outdated and will be replaced with whatever this one turns out to be. Sorry to keep you waiting in the midst of overwhelming anticipation like that! (It makes me feel better about my writing if I pretend I'm a well-sought-after author with a huge fan base anticipating my ever word.)

My emotions have been fluctuating a lot lately with this whole adoption thing. I was feeling pretty good about our progress with the home study stuff, then I realized I have to get moving on our family profile (the photo-filled story of our family that will be presented to prospective birth parents once our home study is complete), gathering the extra things required by a few of the agencies we might end up working with, and of course, applying for grants/loans/etc. and trying to raise enough money to pay for everything. All this while already feeling overwhelmed and conflicted about regular stuff going on in life, so I've been a bundle of nerves lately. I've been trying to remind myself to just relax and trust God to handle things in His timing instead of trying to force things into place before their time.

We've all completed our medical evaluations, and Darling and I have gotten one set of fingerprints done. I learned that my fingers are not very cooperative with whatever that machine is called, and I barely have any prints at all. Darling's hands are much better suited for such things. Perhaps I was born to be a cat burglar, but that isn't something that would work out very well with pursuing adoption. Maybe I'll squeeze into a black leather cat suit when I'm ancient, and see if I can steal dentures from friends' nightstands.

Our Amazon link has been getting some use, and has brought in $26 and change in the past month! Thank you to all who have used it and/or shared it, as every bit helps. We have plans for an upcoming yard sale soon, which will hopefully bring in some more funds, and we've been working so hard to avoid eating out. That's a tough one for us, since we love food and are sometimes too lazy to make it ourselves. But $40 or so for a single meal is pretty ridiculous when we are trying to add to our family, so the sacrifice is worth it. Our budget has a lot of fat on it that we could cut, but we have a hard time agreeing on how extreme to go with it. We are planning on taking a final vacation with just the four of us, since some things will be out of the question with a baby in tow, and since we have no idea where we will be living a year from now. I admit that I feel pretty guilty about it, even though I think it will be a good memory-making opportunity for us that we might not have again. I really don't want to be one of those people who asks for financial help while being frivolous with our own money.

The past few weeks have been full of missing our sweet Osias, even though he was already gone this time a year ago. I don't know where the time has gone. We saw the most precious little girl at church the other day, and her adorable wobbly dancing and clinging to/patting her daddy's shoulder was a huge reminder of what we are missing with our precious boy. I try to imagine his little voice babbling and his chubby hands getting into trouble, only to return to the harsh reality that those things will only take place in my imagination. Even the munchkins have been talking a lot about him lately, and I so hate that those conversations usually begin with "I wish Osias didn't have to die." Adopting a baby will probably make us all think of him even more, especially since J has already begun saying, "I really hope this baby doesn't die too." It has given us many opportunities to talk about the uncertainties of life and death, and she is more diligent in her pilgrimage to the "Celestial City" we've been reading about in Little Pilgrim's Progress so she can join her baby brother someday.