Adoption

So Darling and I had "The Talk" tonight. Well, one of many anyway. Perhaps you've had one like it -- you know, the one about adoption? For as long as I can remember (probably about the same time I was reading Louisa May Alcott's Little Men or Jo's Boys or some other orphan-themed book), I've wanted to adopt. My preferred method of adoption has changed through the years, from a domestic adopted-orphan-filled home (a la Plumfield) to special needs children from other countries, but adoption has clung to my heart just the same.

There's something almost magical about the idea of a family being brought together over huge distances. Strangers becoming relatives with a mountain of paperwork and wait times that would vex a saint. Children without parents filling the child-shaped hole in their adoptive parents' hearts. It's beautiful and heartwarming.

Adoption, like everything else, has a dark side as well. Every adoption begins with a loss, usually the loss of parents (or the abandonment by them) for the child. This can extend to the loss of their homeland and culture as well, depending on if and how they are adopted. And perhaps even more sadly, the number of children in need of adoptive families far outnumbers the families willing or able to adopt. I don't even want to know how many children age out of the system without ever having a permanent home or family to love them and guide them. If you ever need a good cry, look up the list of children waiting to be adopted in your area and slowly scroll through the photos of these precious, unclaimed kids.

Darling isn't much of a reader, which is probably why adoption was never something he really considered before I came into the picture. I will say he has become more open to the idea than when I first sprung the idea on him years ago, but it's still something he's hesitant about. I think his fears are the same ones that keep so many families from adopting; he wonders if he could really love someone else's child as his own. Could we really offer them something better than they could get with anyone else? How could we even afford it?

Even if we were to adopt, we wouldn't begin the actual process for at least another year. We will most likely be moving to a different state around then, and from what I've read, the process can change from state to state. And there's really no point in paying for a home study here when the child probably wouldn't ever live here anyway. So I guess "The Talk" basically resulted in the agreement to defer any definite action until we have a clearer picture of our near future. In the meantime, I've been praying about it a lot, crying over countless photos of waiting children, and trying to read up on whatever I can to get better prepared for the possibility.

If you have adopted (domestically or internationally) or are in the process of adoption, what resources have been the most help to you? Leave a comment to let me know!